


A Light in the Dark

by zorealis



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Being Disowned, F/F, Self-Discovery, vague sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorealis/pseuds/zorealis
Summary: Abigail knows she doesn't quite fit with her parents' expectations, but it'll take the town's newest inhabitant to show her why it is she doesn't fit that mold. Told from the perspective of entries in Abigail's journal.
Relationships: Abigail/Female Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96





	A Light in the Dark

#####  Winter 28

The end of another year and I just don’t know what to do. Sometimes it just feels like there’s nothing for me in Pelican Town. Sam and Sebastian are alright, I guess. I mean, they’re the only ones in town that seem to _remotely_ get me, but it’s not like we have a lot of options besides each other. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just tagging along to make my parents feel like I’m “normal” and “well-adjusted.” Honestly! I’d rather be exploring that rundown farm outside of town by myself than tagging along to the Stardrop on Fridays.

I’ve heard someone is moving onto the farm tomorrow though. I’ll miss having it as an escape to get away from my parents and the rest of town when I’m being too “different.” I guess I’ll just have to settle for Chrono Trigger or Revenge of the Prairie King...

##### Spring 2

I already miss winter. Spring is too bright and comes with new online classes that I’m still not really sure I want to take. Doing well in class is “what pays my rent” according to my dad though so it’s not like I have a choice. When I was younger, I always thought my dad would want to turn the store over to me someday, but a few years ago he said “no girl of mine should have to dirty her hands.” I guess he never noticed how dirty they got catching frogs. After that, I knew there was no way he would allow me to join the Adventurers’ Guild and I gave up trying to convince him that music could be more than a hobby.

As much as I want to go for a walk on the old farm, I like what I’ve seen of the new farmer. She came in to buy seeds and introduce herself today. I never knew girls could be farmers, especially ones with bright pink hair and a purple leather skirt! I don’t think my father knew they could either. Steffani knew what she wanted and every time my dad tried to get her to buy something more expensive she was already way ahead of him and rattling off info about soil acidity or ecological impacts. She walked out with exactly what she needed for the price she wanted. Sometimes I wish I could do the same with my parents.

##### Spring 7

It finally rained today! I spent all afternoon by the mountain lake just playing my flute and watching the mists roll across the lake. I know I’ll end up having to pull an all-nighter to keep up with my homework, but I just couldn’t stay in my room any longer. My mom is already talking about how excited she is to see me in the Flower Dance. I wish she would just accept me for who I am instead of the daughter she wishes I was...

Oddly, the only person this week that made me feel like I belong is the one I know the least, Steffanie. As I was getting ready to leave the lake she was just heading to the mines-- she even had a sword in hand. We talked a lot about adventuring and I told her how I used to explore her farm before she moved in. She even invited me to feel free to keep exploring the areas she hadn’t cleared out yet-- I guess it takes a long time to turn a forest back into a farm!

##### Spring 13

This was the best Egg Festival ever-- and I didn’t even win for once! For starters, everyone was too busy trying to learn more about Steffani that no one asked me when I was planning to “settle down.” The best part, though, was the egg hunt. Usually, I just end up winning because no one else is excited to roll in the dirt or crawl under bushes looking for eggs. Not this year! Mayor Lewis invited Steffanie to compete. Right from the start she was jumping over fences, crawling under things, and even jumping on top of the mayor’s old pick-up to find every egg she could. It was so exciting actually having to push myself to try and keep up! At the end of the hunt we were both so out of breath, but Steffanie still just smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up. Moments later, she was announced the winner by one egg. I had so much fun I couldn’t help but smile when she came up to me after and gave me a big, sweaty hug.

##### Spring 19

It’s been so hectic lately. One of my classes gave us a huge project to do and it seems like all I have time for besides shouting matches with my dad. I don’t know what his problem is, but lately it seems like no matter how well I’m doing in my classes it’s just not good enough. My mom isn’t helping either. I swear if I hear the words “Flower Dance” again I’m going to scream!  
Some days it feels like the only thing keeping me sane is talking to Steffie when she stops by the shop to pick up supplies. Listening to her adventures in the mines has become something I look forward to every time she’s in the shop. She’s even surprised me a few times with a piece of quartz or a huge chunk of amethyst she found 40 floors down. And talk about surprises… last night she saw me playing the newest release of Prairie King and together we made it through the first stage! It’s the first time anyone has ever gamed with me in person. She’s _so_ good too-- I guess I shouldn’t have assumed a farmer wouldn’t be interested in video games.

##### Spring 24

I just got home from the dance. Finally, free for another year! I know I say it every year, but this year’s really was the worst. Every day leading up to it my parents have just gotten crankier and crankier. Like every year, it felt like the whole town was just staring at me. It’s like they thought if they just stared long enough I’d stop fidgeting with my dress and have respectable blonde hair! It didn’t help that Sam and Sebastian went off and hid in a corner while my mom kept dragging me deeper into the middle of the party. I thought I was going to scream after the second time she dragged me to someone and said, “doesn’t my daughter just look _lovely_ in her flower dress?” I really would have screamed too if it had if the person she dragged me to had been anyone other than Steffie.

Steffie turned around and, with a sweetness in her voice I didn’t know she was capable of, just replied, “She looks very nice, but I would love seeing her in a black dress to match her amazing hair.” I don’t know if my mom was caught off-guard more by Steffie’s reply or her purple suit and sequined bowtie, but Steffie didn’t miss the chance to usher both of us over to the buffet. She had just come in with a bushel of fresh potatoes and leeks that Gus was deep-frying for everyone. I was just glad to be away from the center of attention. I’m still not sure what happened next, though.  
While my mom was talking to some of her friends by the buffet, Steffie sat with me at one of the side tables.

After a bit she said, “I can tell you don’t want to dance, but would you want to with me?” She added quickly, “I promise people will be too busy staring at the girl with pink hair and a purple suit to stare at you.” I was caught completely off-guard. I never thought Steffie would offer, or would even understand how I felt. 

I could feel my cheeks getting hot, but all I could do was look away and mumble, “That’d be nice… but uhh… I probably should dance with Sebastian like usual.” When I looked back I thought it looked like Steffie had been glancing in my mom’s direction, but she just smiled sincerely and told me she understood. The rest of the dance was a boring blur. Though, during the dance, I saw my mom and Steffie talking. My mom looked so interested in what Steffie was saying. I wish she would look at me with half as much respect...

##### Summer 2

My classes are in a lull right now so I’ve been spending time out on Steffie’s farm. She still has a lot of woods on the farm that are great for staying out of the sun. We even went frog-catching together one evening! As fun as the woods are, I think what’s even more amazing is seeing how much Steffie puts herself into that farm. I can’t believe how much she’s done by herself in one season. Just last night she told me that Robin had been there earlier in the day to measure for a new coop. It was so adorable how excited Steffie got telling me all her plans for raising chickens and ducks!

Tonight though, she really outdid herself. I love her tales about her adventures deep in the mines and she totally knows this. So tonight she was showing off this old sword she found really deep down in the mines. I was getting so jealous, knowing I’d never get a chance to discover anything like that! Finally she said, “OK, OK I just can’t torture you any longer-- here,” and, grabbing her old sword out of a chest, handed it to me. I must have looked so shocked. She just gave me that knowing stare of hers and told me to give it a good home! I have my very own sword and I’m _going_ to learn how to use it. I don’t care if I have to hide it in the bush by the wizard’s tower and only practice at night in the graveyard. I don’t even care if my parents think it’s not what girls should do-- I’m doing this.

##### Summer 7

We had the first storm of the season today. I needed the break from the sun and heat so bad… and being around people. The rain dancing across the mountain lake always inspires my best flute melodies so I went up there to practice. When I got there in the afternoon, I was surprised to find Steffie fishing in the middle of the storm! She told me she enjoys being out in the rain especially after all the days out in the fields under the hot sun. When I told her that I loved the rain too and just needed to get away from everyone in town she nodded and went to pack up her fishing gear, but… somehow when it’s just me and Steffie I don’t feel like I’m with other people. It’s confusing. Anyhow, I told her it wouldn’t bother me if it was just her with me. She just nodded and flashed me a huge grin...

We just stayed there by the lake for a while, me playing the flute under a big pine tree and Steffie by the shore reeling in fish. I took a break from playing though and saw Steffie starting to shiver from being out in the rain for so long. It took some convincing that no, she wasn’t fine, but she joined me under the tree and we talked about music together for a while. It’s been such a long time since I had anyone I could just talk to about music that I had forgotten how much I just loved to play the flute. I know I should be used to Steffie’s surprises by now, but when I went to start my final song and Steffie pulled a mini-harp out of her tackle box I couldn’t hide how shocked I was! As we played a duet together, all I could think was I wish I could just do this every day instead of dealing with homework or justifying my existence to my parents.

##### Summer 11

The annual Luau was today. It’s always so hot on the beach this time of year! I know the mayor wants to impress the governor but I wish we could do that in winter. My parents kept glancing at me THE WHOLE TIME (which was weird), but at least everyone else just left me alone while I sat at the end of the pier. Well, except Steffie but she doesn’t count as “everyone.” After greeting everyone, she just plopped down next to me on the pier. I don’t really know what it is, but having her around just makes everything easier. I got so lost in conversation and watching the ocean with her that I completely forgot about the Luau and how uncomfortably hot it was. I need more days like this, really.

##### Summer 16

I woke up to the sound of a dish breaking. My parents have fought before but never like this. I’ve never heard them screaming at each other so loudly. I know I talk big sometimes about going out and exploring the mines, fighting monsters, and practicing swordplay. But tonight I’m just hiding under the covers. I was so terrified and wanted to block out the shouting back and forth. I don’t care about who did what or why, I just want my parents to stop.

##### Summer 19

The past few days have been intense at home. My parents aren’t yelling at each other anymore, but now they’re hardly talking. It’s like the calm feeling in the air before a storm, but, for once, this is a storm I don’t want to be out in. I’ve been trying to spend as much of my time on Steffie’s farm as I can. I’m so lucky to have met Steffie when I did. She’s so good at taking my mind off of things at home and just getting me to enjoy walking in the woods or making music.

I’ve been practicing my swordplay out by the wizard’s tower too. Most of the townsfolk are scared of him, but he was actually outside yesterday and talked to me. He’s a little weird, but in a good way. He asked me, “Are you the one known as Abigail?” I couldn’t help but smile at how he worded it. I guess he and Steffie have been working on some kind of project? He seemed to be glad that I was hanging out with Steffie anyways when he said, “I have peered into many futures, and, while I can’t reveal the details, those where you two meet are ultimately happy.” Then he wandered off to pick herbs again. Definitely weird, but in a good way.

##### Summer 24

The storm finally broke. I went to practice swordplay in the graveyard tonight. It’s one of the quietest places here and no one else really goes there. After a while, I saw Steffie coming up from the beach with some giant red fish slung over her shoulder. 

When she saw me practicing she said, “You’ve come a long way! The only thing that worries me a little is how aggressive your stance is.” She took out her sword and showed me a posture that took a more defensive stance and said, “Here, try this posture instead. There’s many monsters in this world but there’s only one you. I know you can take care of yourself, never forget that you can when you’re in the mines.”

It was at this point, my dad stepped out from behind the bushes. He yelled at me for practicing swordplay. Then he yelled at me to go home and help my mom make dinner. I had finally had enough. I yelled back at him that he only wanted these things because I’m a girl, but that’s not the kind of girl I want to be! He seemed genuinely confused for a moment, but then finally said, “Well, I guess it’s not like I care what you want to be… You’re not even my daughter.” 

Suddenly, the past few weeks made so much sense. All the stares, the fights, the screaming. I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed my sword, and said, “Fine! Then I’m not coming home for dinner. Come on, Steffie!” I strode off out of town with Steffie following and pushed my way into the bushes at the edge of the forest. No one would find us here.

Steffie sat there in the dark for a minute and just said, “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

I said, “Right now I need to untangle my hair from this branch!” 

I felt Steffie’s hand brush against my forehead as she worked on untangling my hair. Those hands... they were like old suede from all the farmwork she had done. It reminded me of an old leather jacket I had as a teenager. That jacket always made me feel invincible: like it was my armor against the world. I knew what I needed. I caught Steffie’s hand and pulled her arm around me. As she brought her other arm up to pull me into a tight hug I just cried uncontrollably.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally stopped sobbing. I said hoarsely, “I know my parents just want what’s best for me but...” I couldn’t even finish saying it aloud.

After a minute, Steffie just said, ”I believe you but what your parents _want_ and what you _deserve_ are very different.” She added, “And what you deserve is so much more than how they are treating you right now.” She sat there in the bushes just holding me long into the night. I don’t know if I would have finally stood up to my dad… well, Pierre… without her beside me. Something about her just brings out this strength inside me.

##### Summer 27

Thanks to Steffie, I finally know the truth about my family. She convinced my mom to sit down with me (and Steffie) and actually _explain_ what was going on. When my mom and… Pierre… were dating they had to “take a step back for a little while” as my mom explained it. Basically, they were on a break and my mom had a fling with the wizard from the tower outside of town. I guess it would explain why I can never seem to wash all the purple dye out of my hair.

It’s still a lot to take in honestly, but I’m glad to know the truth at least. I think Pierre was just looking for an excuse to distance himself from me. We’ve never been particularly close and I think he probably saw me as a disappointment when he saw me as his daughter. He’s going to let me continue staying in my apartment but just wants to “leave it at that” for now. I think my mom is glad to have the secret out in the open finally. I get why she was always pushing for me not to get into occult stuff or adventuring now. She was afraid of someone making the connection to who I really am. I get it, but I still don’t like it.

##### Summer 28

Tonight was the moonlight jellyfish festival! Ever since I was little this has always been my favorite festival. I love watching the jellyfish as they light up the dark to the first hints of autumn in the air. This year was no exception. After the rough few weeks I’ve been through it felt good to just be able to see something beautiful. It was like the world fell away and for a few hours it was just me, the jellyfish, and Steffie. It was her first time seeing the jellyfish and all I could see in the dark was the wonderment in her eyes as they reflected the light of the jellyfish. It reminded me of what she’s been to me since she moved here: a light in the dark. I can’t see what’s around me, but I can see one direction to head.

##### Fall 4

Steffie came with me to see the wizard, or should I say, Rasmodius, today. Apparently he’s been helping her repair the old community center. As for Rasmodius, it was nice to talk to someone that isn’t freaked out talking about spirits. We talked for a few hours, and while he feels like he hasn’t been in my life enough to be a father, he did think my “inclinations towards magic showed potential.” He’s agreed to teach me about the spirits and the elementals. I’m not sure how to feel about the whole father thing, but I am excited to learn magic.

I also finally surprised Steffie! It’s been awhile since I drew anything, but it really felt like I’ve been on an adventure with Steffie. So I drew the two of us fighting slimes. 

The first thing she said was, “Those are some realistic slimes, but is that your mom fighting them with you?” 

I just laughed and said, “My mom doesn’t wear purple farmer’s boots!” 

Of course, Steffie hit back with, “Oh, so Marnie then?” I swear she just likes to get under my skin in the best possible way. 

Finally I punched her in the arm and said, “No! It’s you, silly!” I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile so big before. It looked like she was going to tear up, but she just laughed and gave me a huge hug…

##### Fall 10

I think I messed everything up. Steffie has been such a huge support for me lately, but I feel like I crossed the line tonight. I wanted to show Steffie something that Rasmodius had been teaching me about-- a spirit board. It’s supposed to draw on the spirits to “say that which is unsayable.” I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if Steffie and I did it together so I invited her over to do a reading. Everything started out okay, but as the dial began to spell out a message from the spirits I was shocked to see “I love Stef--” being spelled out. So I did the only thing that came to mind: I flipped over the board and made a weak excuse about needing to do something else now.

After I all but pushed Steffie out the door, I just broke down. How could I really love Steffie? Aren’t I just confused because she has been such a good friend lately? And what would it make me if I love her? Bisexual? A lesbian? Wouldn’t I know if I liked girls by now? The questions just keep coming and I don’t have any answers. I know I’ll have to go to her place in person and apologize tomorrow. I want to see her so badly, but I’m afraid of how much I’ve hurt her.

##### Fall 12

I haven’t seen Steffie since yesterday morning. I went to apologize but I had no idea what to say or how to act. All I remember is muttering something about knowing I crossed a line and not blaming Steffie. I remember the pained expression on her face as I left too. I must have fallen asleep at some point because I just found a letter on my desk-- from Steffie. “Your turn to visit my room. Come tomorrow at 7,” she writes. I want to see her, but I’m so afraid of what it might do to her… and to me. I’m such a faker. After all my talk of wanting adventure, I’m afraid of spending an evening alone with someone that’s stood by me when no one else would.

##### Fall 14

I can’t believe I’m actually writing this, but yesterday will probably be the best birthday I ever have. I didn’t know what to expect when I got to Steffie’s… I don’t really even know how I got there. I was terrified of what might happen, but then suddenly there was Steffie on her porch with a huge grin on her face while she waved me over. She was wearing this amazing evening gown… but the same old purple farmer’s boots! She was so beautiful in that moment that no matter how much fear I felt I couldn’t look away, I could only move towards her.

She took my arm and half-led, half-dragged me inside. It was then that the smells hit me. Pumpkin soup. Roast pumpkin. Even pumpkin cake with chocolate icing! I looked at Steffie, completely confused, and all she offered was a shrug and said, “I wanted to do something special for your birthday and your mom _might_ have said that pumpkin is your favorite food.” She motioned towards the table and headed into the kitchen-- I couldn’t help noticing that the picture I drew for her is framed and hanging on the wall of her otherwise empty cabin.

When she came back, she had a tray of food and a large box. Finally I said, “But why are you doing this?” 

Steffie sighed, but responded, “Well, first it's your birthday and I wanted to do something nice for you.” She added, “And second, you are not the first woman to confess her feelings for me and then panic.” I sat there, trying to make words happen. They didn’t. Steffie continued, “You know, I’ve had feelings for you since… do you remember that day at the Egg Hunt?” I nodded. “Probably about that long,” she said flatly. 

After a few false starts, I managed, “But why didn’t you say anything?!” 

Steffie smiled gently and said, “Because it was pretty clear you were dealing with a lot of your own stuff and trying to figure out who you are.” She added, “It wasn’t my place to try to push you into anything.” 

She sat there looking conflicted for a minute then started again: “I guess I saw how the other townsfolk looked at you.” She continued, “I was 16 and living in a small town not unlike this one when I first kissed a girl. Unfortunately for us, her brother saw and liked to make trouble. Within a week of him ratting us out, she was shipped off to a convent and my parents had disowned me and kicked me out on the street.” She paused to regain her composure and continued, “The people in my town looked at me the way the people here were looking at you. Even if you didn’t feel for me what I felt for you, I just didn’t want you to have to carry that kind of burden alone. No one deserves that.” She went silent and all I could do was stare.

Finally, Steffie opened the box she had been holding in her lap and said, “I wanted to give you more time to deal with everything that’s happened to you lately, but after I saw how depressed you were the other day I realized that I was more afraid of losing you than anything else.” She continued, “I heard that the tradition in this area to show interest in dating someone is to present them a bouquet of flowers.” As she finished speaking, Steffie lifted a bouquet of violets from the box in her lap and offered them to me. 

The smell of them snapped me out of the trance I was in. All I could say was, “Oh Steffie… I want to accept so badly, but I don’t want to lead you on. What if I’m just confused?”

Steffie looked at me with those bright eyes of hers and said, “Maybe you’re right Abby, but we’ve already tackled so many hard problems together, I think we can tackle this one too… together. I want to be there when you find the answer to that question.”

I looked down at the bouquet and then back at her eyes. I sighed and said, “Alright, I accept, but I’ll never forgive you if the only interesting person in town stops being my friend!” 

As I took hold of the bouquet, Steffie leaned in until our foreheads were almost touching and whispered, “I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Then she kissed me. It was deep and passionate and unlike any kiss I had been given before. All I could think of was her, the scent of mushrooms and dirt from her hair, and those unbelievably soft lips. Is this how love is really supposed to feel? Did I just never know that I only felt a faint shadow of it before?

##### Fall 27

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve had time to write! So much has happened since Steffie and I started dating. I’m taking a break from my courses to focus on learning from Rasmodius and my flute. Steffie is also helping me with my sword techniques and we’re planning a trip to the mines soon. I’ve been helping Steffie around the farm lately too. I never really pictured myself on a farm before, but Steffie is a fantastic teacher.

I’m still not sure what to say about my sexuality, but I enjoy being with Steffie. I know that when I’m out in the woods enjoying the falling leaves or the cold chill of the wind, that I enjoy it more when Steffie is with me. I know that when I struggle Steffie will be there, not to protect me from what will happen, but to support me and watch my back from the stuff I can’t see. And I know I’ll be there for her to do the same. Neither of us _needs_ the other, but we will push each other to be the best of ourselves.

Tonight is Spirit’s Eve festival. It’ll be the first time we’re out in public together as a couple. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous but I think most people in town know we’re dating and haven’t made an issue of it. I’m also a little excited to be honest though. I just never really imagined myself being together with someone like this. I just imagined myself alone, or tried not to really think about it at all. Maybe with Steffie there, I’ll finally have the courage to find out what’s behind those rubber spiders in the haunted maze...

##### Winter 7

Yesterday was a very different kind of adventure from what I had planned, but I’m starting to think that maybe the best kinds of adventure are the ones I didn’t expect. I decided it was time I went into the mines and Steffie wanted to show me an underground lake with all kinds of fish that don’t live anywhere else. But… what actually happened is that I got to the mines a little before Steffie and wanted to explore some on my own. As I was heading down into the mines a bat flew out and startled me. I laughed it off, thinking I was being silly, but then an entire swarm came streaming through the caverns right towards me! I was so terrified that I don’t remember what happened until Steffie found me hiding in a corner.

I felt so stupid. I never wanted her to see me like this-- a scared little girl. But when I told her that I was scared she said something I never expected. 

She said, “I’m often scared when I come here. I know that no matter how many times I walk away safe and unharmed that every trip into the mines is dangerous. You aren’t stupid for seeing the danger here. You’re brave for seeing the danger and coming here anyways because it's what you need.”

In that moment I realized I had always been afraid that, if I showed my feelings, they would be used against me. Proof that because I was a girl I needed protecting or shouldn’t live my life the way I wanted to. I also realized that this was something I didn’t need to worry about with Steffie-- she sees me as strong because of my feelings and not in spite of them.

I said, “Steffie…. you’re right.” I took a deep breath and continued, “So I want to continue being brave. You wanted to be there when I found my answer. This is my answer: I don’t know if I’m gay or bisexual or if there’s even a label out there for me. I know that I never thought I could feel this way about another girl, but it doesn’t matter to me because I also know that I love you with all of my being. I want to be brave enough to follow my heart instead of fearing what labels define my love for you.” I caressed her face with my hand and added, “You are my light in the darkness that I’ll always move towards… just like the moonlight jellyfish always move towards the candle boat.” Then I kissed her with every bit of passion I could.

We left the mines. Half-running and half-dragging each other through the snow, we made our way back to the cabin. The whole way we kept trying to outrace the other. When one of us took the lead, she’d look back at the other as if daring her to catch up. By the time we reached the cabin we were already discarding coats and boots in between kisses that seemed to grow longer and longer. We only made it to the bedroom by taking turns pressing each other against the wall as we made out. When we made it to the bed Steffie paused to caress my face, looked me in the eyes, and asked, “What do you want?” 

All I could think to say was, “Everything you can give me.”

Steffie, eyes gleaming, smiled as she pushed me down onto the bed and our motions turned into a beautiful dance with no uncomfortable white dresses. There was no leader. No follower. Just one rhythm that we made, together, as we went along. A firm grab of the thigh would be met with a bite on the neck, a light touch down the curve of the back met with a gentle flick of the tongue against a nipple. Time would stand still. Then Steffie would slide up my leg or press press down on my shoulders and, suddenly, time was racing. We whirled through the night twisting around each other until we were both completely spent. We slept where we collapsed, wrapped around each other.

As I sit here in Steffie’s cabin, watching her clear snow from the pathways outside, I can’t help smiling. This is how it should feel when you’re with someone you love. My mom always told me that I should find someone that will complete me. Looking back on that now, I think I understand why I never thought I would date or marry anyone. I’ve never felt like I needed completing. With Steffie, we’re already both complete, but we don’t let that stop us from pushing each other to be better. I think I see myself having a future with this kind of love…

##### Winter 26

This will be my last entry for this journal. It seems somehow appropriate that I’m on my last few pages of this journal and that it's time to start another. My life has finally found direction and I’m ready to start a new story. I’m no longer planning to start up my online coursework again. I want to continue my studies with Rasmodius and work on compositions for the flute. I’ve been spending more and more time at Steffie’s as well-- I even brought Revenge of the Prairie King so we could play it together! I love how quiet it is there and putting some physical space between me and my mom has actually made the time I do spend with her more enjoyable.

Being with Steffie has made me realize how important it is to do the things I want to do even if I’m scared of how the world might react. When I realized this, I knew what I really wanted more than anything was just to be with Steffie. I knew Steffie had heard about the local custom for proposing marriage by offering a mermaid’s pendant. So I decided to give her one at the feast of the winter star yesterday. When I pulled her aside all I could do was nervously open the box the pendant was in and say, “I wanted to do what’s brave and let you know how I really feel.” 

Her eyes immediately went wide and for a moment I really was afraid what I had done was more stupid than brave! But then, she pulled out small box similar to mine and when she opened it there was another mermaid’s pendant she had bought for me! Neither of us knew if we were laughing or crying, but we both remember shouting, “I accept!” at the top of our lungs.


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